Friendship, Squirrels, and Acorns

In my high mind, the image of my friend as a squirrel scurrying about in the wild, collecting metaphorical acorns felt wildly profound.

Mary and I were stoned off an edible in my apartment in New York, facetiming with Michaela, who was in Florida visiting her brother.

“I’m meeting so many interesting people and observing so many things on this trip,” Michaela tells us. “I can’t wait to share all these reflections when I get back.”

“Keep collecting acorns out there, and then, when you get home, you’ll bring them back to the nest and show us what you gathered,” I tell Michaela, in that stoney sort of way.

Admittedly, the whole squirrel/ acorn metaphor doesn’t feel nearly as profound in my sober mind (this is often how it goes) but it does feel like an accurate way to capture elements of female friendship—

Hanging out with girlfriends feels like meeting back at the nest, after a long day or week or month or year or years of being out in the wild collecting acorns.

Acorns come in many different forms— a new Caesar dressing recipe, those cute black platform shoes that you’d never guess are actually Crocs, the oatmeal ginger exfoliating bar soap from Trader Joes— these are some of the acorns I harvested two summers ago when I visited my friend Victoria in Maine.

When we see a friend we haven’t seen in a while– or even a few days–we lay our acorns out on the table:

Here’s a helpful phrase I learned in therapy—

This is the new essential oil roll on scent I’ve been into—

I’m loving this NY Times cooking recipe—

And oh my god– this line I saw in a book, I have to read it to you.

After you share your acorns, your friend shares hers. 

She tells you about the new cut of jeans she discovered, the cross body bag she loves because it’s big enough to fit a Nalgene, and the good quality feta she likes to buy in bulk from Costco.

Sometimes we intentionally share our acorns, like a show and tell of sorts–  but often, we don’t realize when we give a friend an acorn until they tell us later on… 

“You introduced me to this thing,” she might say.

Or, “I always think about this phrase you once said.” 

Sometimes we forget where our acorns come from in the first place. It happens to me and one of my best friends all the time—

I’ll put on a new song I found– or so I think– excited to present it to her because I just know she’ll love it. I hit play and she starts to smile, trying to be polite and let me have my moment but clearly getting ready to break the news, “Leah, I’m the one who showed this to you,” she’ll say, as we break into laughter.

As I was writing this piece, I started to wonder what acorns I might’ve unknowingly given to some of my friends.

I texted one of my best friends asking her, and here’s what she said:

Most of these things were acorns I consciously offered, show-and-tell style, but frozen fruit as a snack, journal drawing, and Blundstones surprised me to learn about!

Acorns are exchanged late at night when you’re sleeping next to a best friend.

Or driving around in the car between errands together. 

Or on the phone when you’re catching up.

Or, when platonically showering together where, as Lena Dunham so aptly put it in an essay, best friends are just two drowned rats talking shop.

When we see our girlfriends, we put our acorns out on the table as if to say, “here’s what I’ve gathered, would any of these be useful for you?

Acorns are the little things we’ve figured out about navigating life.

They can be as trivial as a fun new way of storing earrings or a brand of clear lip gloss that tastes like vanilla and isn’t too sticky.

But they can also be practical.

I have this one friend who is queen of practical acorns—

She’s taught me what cleaning solutions to buy and how to maximize my credit cards rewards and how to make grocery store flowers last longer.

Sometimes acorns come in the form of deeper nuggets of wisdom— lessons from therapy, realizations about the world, profound lyrics, or a tip to calm existential anxiety.

I have several friends who’ve shared some life-altering acorns that fall into this category.

If you were to crack my body open, thousands of acorns would come pouring out.

And the same is probably true for many of my girlfriends.

We carry each other with us in the soap we use, the recipes we cook, the shoes we buy, the quotes that inspire us, and the phrases that we have written in our journals.

At least some percent of us are pieces of each other.

My friend Michaela (the original squirrel) gave me this lighter :)

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What I’ve been listening to: While unpacking/ setting up our new home (my partner and I recently moved), i’ve been listening to this podcast called “Under The Influence” about the Mommy influencer world, very interesting deep dive!

What I’ve been eating: Kirkland pesto + pasta. Love to have this meal with a salad to add a fresh contrast to the more rich pesto. Bonus points if the salad has something sweet in it (been doing a lot of apple in salad) to give the sweet/ savory contrast too.

What I’ve been reading: I recently finished the 3rd Harry Potter book (I’m reading the whole Harry Potter series for the first time as a grown adult, it’s been so fun). I haven’t started the 4th book yet— in the meantime I’ve been loving reading different Substack pieces. I really enjoyed this piece by anti-diet stylist Dacy Gillespie, titled On Trends and Judgement.